Did you know that last week was Bed-Stuy Week over on BushwickBk? Apparently it was–they couldn’t stop talking about us over there! The latest Bed-Stuy post by Jeremy said that his Bushwick neighborhood was better than Bed-Stuy. He even goes so far as to call our neighborhood Pig-Stuy!
Beyond being the Run-Down Bodega Capital of the world, what has Bushwick had to offer us? Oh yeah, it’s the neighborhood that gave us Rosie Perez. Yeah, thanks Bushwick. Thanks a lot.
Look, Jeremy, you and the rest of Bushwick can drop the eminence front. Everyone knows that Bed-Stuy is better. Even the people in Bushwick know that Bed-Stuy is better. Let me break it down for you: if Bed-Stuy is Chaka Khan, then Bushwick is Taka Boom. (For those of you who may not know, Taka Boom is Chaka Khan’s younger and CONSIDERABLY less talented sister. If you need evidence for this, then click here to see Taka Boom in action.)
Let’s take a look at the data:
Architecture – Our buildings are better. We’ve got beautiful brownstones and tree-lined blocks. We have a house tour that has been going strong for 29 years. Do they even have a house tour in Bushwick? Even the new construction in Bed-Stuy is better than the new construction in Bushwick. Bed-Stuy’s Kodachrome Building could put the smackdown on Bushwick’s 358 Grove any day. On this measure alone Bed-Stuy wins.
Star Power – Bed-Stuy gave us Chris Rock and Mos Def, and Bushwick gave us Rosie Perez. I’ll let you do the math on that one. Bed-Stuy wins.
Human to Feline Ratio
If it weren’t for the compassion of the T-N-R King Jimmy Legs, the cats in Bushwick would outnumber the people 77 to 1. For God’s sake they bring the mobile spay unit TO BUSHWICK just to try to stem the rising cat population over there. Sure, we have a whole population of inbred, unintelligent, unsocialized pit bulls that walk around with their unintelligent, unsocialized owners, but compared to the feral cat overpopulation issue over in the Wick, our pit bull issue is nothing. At least there aren’t any stray pit bulls in Bed-Stuy. Bed-Stuy wins.
The YMCA Factor – The Bed-Stuy Y is reason enough to rate our neighborhood over Bushwick. They don’t even have a YMCA, do they? The horror! Bed-Stuy wins.
The Subway Factor – Ok, this might be where they get us. The two neighborhoods share the JMZ lines, so the battle is between our G line, which is notoriously lame, our A/C line and their L train. Bed-Stuy is underserviced when it comes to train lines, but Bushwick’s L train is no keeper. It’s crowded and the last time I took it those little train arrival signs (the ones that are supposed to tell you how many minutes you’ll have to wait) were waaaay off. Let’s call it a tie. Bed-Stuy and Bushwick both lose.
The Blaring Car Stereo Factor – The stereos on our chromed out SUVs blast the latest from Kanye West, while the stereos on their chromed out SUVs blast the latest from Aventura. This is a no brainer–Bed-Stuy wins.
The Chicken Factor
Pollo Tropical? Gone, baby, gone! Bushwick couldn’t even support a halfway decent restaurant! Pollo Tropical opened in Bushwick this year and closed unceremoniously THIS YEAR. If they’d only set up shop on this side of Broadway, they would still be in business. I’d be hard pressed to think of a chicken joint that didn’t survive in Bed-Stuy! Bed-Stuy wins!
When Blogs Attack
Bed-Stuy has a better blogging community than Bushwick. Let’s face it, the only Bushwick blogs worth reading are BushwickBK, Got the Jimmy Legs, Last Night’s Dinner and A Dash of Bitters. A whole four. Bed-Stuy has at least 8 excellent blogs that I can think of off of the top of my head: Lambent, Vast & Ruthless, Antbed.com, This is the Diaspora, El Blunt and Beautiful Nomad(o), Bed-Stuy Banana, Do or Die, Tres Chic Style Blog and of course, the Bed-Stuy Blog. There are more, but I simply don’t have the time to list/link them here. TOP THAT, Bushwick! Bed-Stuy wins!
Considering they’re on the losing end of a lot of battles, just when did Bushwick get so damn saditty?
Dearest Bed-Stuy neighbors, let’s hold hands across the internets and give thanks this holiday week that we don’t live in Bushwick. I’ve listed just a few reasons why Bed-Stuy is better than Bushwick. If you can think of more reasons, list them in the comments section before you head off for the holiday. Let’s put Bushwick back in its place!
Hopes are dashed
They forget they’re hiding
Behind an eminence front
It’s a put on