Comments on: Bad Business

By: beckyh

beckyh — Sat, 26 Jan 2008 20:04:48 +0000

This summer two guys rode past me on their bikes calling me “sexy,” and commenting on my ass. I flipped them off (twice) and they lost it, shouting, “Who the f-k do you think you are?” and then waited on their bikes at the end of the block with five more of their friends (all male) and screamed that I would get my ass kicked if I tried to cross the street. This was on Myrtle and Walworth. I went inside a deli for ten minutes and then left and snuck down a side street. I was shaking, and I’m a tough girl. Being screamed and cursed at by 7 men (with the entire block watching and not saying anything) is not fun.

In the past when I’ve told guys to f-k off after they’ve said something nasty to me, they’ve almost always yelled back at me (amazing how quickly someone can go from calling you sexy and gorgeous to calling you a bitch. ah, misogyny). But no one has ever threatened me physically. What could I have done? Called the police? So, yes, that is being made to feel powerless and victimized, rh.

And the answer is not, “If you don’t like it, don’t move to this neighborhood.” I don’t know what the answer is. But that’s too glib of a response.

I’ll probably keep telling men to f-k off, but I also find myself crossing the street and rushing past groups of men on the street more often; not really the way I want to live my life.

And I’ve also had Hasidic guys get really close to my face and stare me down. I’ve been cat called in almost every neighborhood I’ve lived in in NY…upper east side, meatpacking district, chinatown, everywhere. It just seems to be more in your face here. Literally.

By: Alexa11221

Alexa11221 — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 14:56:42 +0000

I seldom go anywhere without my son in tow and that seems to discourage any would-be hasslers. I can’t say Bed-Stuy any worse than anywhere else I’ve lived. Or maybe it’s because I’m old and frumpy now. But I’ve always felt being strong and confident helped in these situations. I’ve never really felt scared by a guy on the street whom I didn’t know (yes, I met to imply that I have been scared by the behavior of men who were already known to me …)

By: floydcat

floydcat — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 14:18:22 +0000

give me a break. i’m a white woman and i’ve lived in soho/west village/ft greene etc. this neighborhood is no worse than any other when it comes to the weather getting warm and all the horny losers feeling free to comment on every womans appearance. men who have been raised with no respect to women live all over nyc-close your ears and ignore them-they’re trying to instigate an angry response. the best way to deal is to completely shut them out.

By: rh

rh — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 02:21:12 +0000

Oh yeah, I forget that I’m no longer anonymous.
If it makes you that uncomfortable then you shouldn’t move to the neighborhood. But my stance is “Don’t let anybody stop you from what you want to do.”

By: malcats

malcats — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 01:43:41 +0000

Under the guise of needing directions, I had an Orthodox or Hassidic male try to pick me up not 10 doors from my home. When I declined his advances, he drove to the end of the block waiting for me to reach the corner. I slowed down and I did not approach my door, as I did not want him to see where I lived. From the beginning I went into the female -self preservationist-be suspicious of any man- mode that my mother instilled in me from the time she allowed her daughter to leave the house unattended and was glad that I did.

This occurred approx. 5pm as I was coming home from work, before daylight savings time so it was broad daylight. I was wearing nothing to bring unwanted attention to myself â€“ I am the typical frumpy looking mom who was carrying a backpack and a FedEx package. There was no mistaking me for anything other than a neighborhood woman/mom/sister/daughter. All of this taking place just days after my Middle School aged daughter had been needling me and my husband about traveling to and from school alone. GREAT!

As a black woman in this community, I would love to go on about the other things that angered me about my experience but I am sure that most if not all of you already know. By the way, my husband is white so this was no thriller for him and generated some interesting conversation at our dinner table that evening.

So to the person whose experience began this conversation, â€œgo get-umâ€ and to all the other women I say we should not ever let our guard down; we should be proactive; teach our daughters how to be strong, confident, and equip them with streetwise/common sense that they should apply no matter who they are dealing with or where they are.

By: c

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 20:47:53 +0000

i’m right off of bedford and i find that the attention is consistent no matter what i’m wearing but fairly respectful, to the extent that no one is grabbing me or standing too close or saying disgusting things. When i was a teenager in manhattan, i was treated much worse – downtown, uptown, central park, wherever – and it really got me down.

THAT SAID – i have also been harassed by an employee/owner of a business in Bed-Stuy. There’s a bodega on the corner of Bedford and Quincy where i’ve had my hand stroked while paying, and comments about my ass, etc. It’s called “Javier” grocery. I now walk two blocks out of my way whenever i need to go to a bodega. But it sucks. I resent it.

By: LookingforHome

LookingforHome — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 20:47:38 +0000

RH, I’m a fervent reader of your blog; so I know your race and gender and hobbies. Ha.

But back on topic, I’m seriously thinking of moving Bed-Stuy off of my house-hunting list. I’ve lived all over the city for nearly 15 years and I’m looking for a place to raise kids. I liked the idea of Bed-Stuy for the economic and cultural diversity in-line with our non-profit incomes, but I’m not going to have my imaginary future daughters grow-up in a place where they are made to feel like meat when they walk down the street. It does not happen all over the city. I am well-traveled and I have never been treated as poorly by strangers as I have been by men of my own culture in Harlem.

By: rh

rh — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 13:21:39 +0000

#13, As a white woman (How did you know?) I think I experience something different…and I can’t quite put my finger on it. Sometimes I think guys are doing it to test me and sometimes I think it’s because they feel they can intimidate me because I am white. When it’s just cat calls I either ignore them, smile or give them the finger, depending on what mood I’m in. I’ve only once been touched by a guy when I fell asleep on the train. I woke up to find his hand subtly touching on my breast. I elbowed him and gave him a look, then got off at my stop. Well, he had the nerve to follow me off the train. He stopped me on Dekalb Ave and I just let him have it. This was in the late 80s when I stood out more in Ft Greene than I would today. I just stood there screaming and cursing him as he quickly walked away. People on the street must’ve thought “Who is this crazy white bitch?” Anyway, what was my point? I forgot. But I’ve had worse harassment in foreign countries where they REALLY don’t respect women. #15, if you feel very threatened, then just walk away. I’m not condoning their behavior and I think it’s horrible we have to put up with it, but I guess I kind of just look at it as life in NYC.

By: Carmen

Carmen — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 22:47:37 +0000

I can only say +1. I’ve had my butt grabbed, been cat called hundreds of times, been physically grabbed, kissed at, honked at, etc etc etc.
The worst is when I’m walking in shorts in the summer carrying my laundry- for some reason when I’ve got a 20 lb laundry bag perched over my shoulder I’m fair game for grabs and remarks.
I think it’s disgusting that I have to wake up and think “ok, I know its 100 degrees outside and I know that I can wear this kneelength halter sun-dress at my destination (usually the city somewhere or park slope) and not be harrassed, but maybe I should think twice because the 5 minute walk to the bus might be too much to bare.” That’s no way to live, ladies.
I wish there was an easy solution- confronting is all well and good in theory but I’m not willing to risk life and/or limb to say shit to these guys after the ONE time I did say something and a woman was with the group of guys and she proceeded to get half an inch from my face and tell me that I should “know my place in this f*cking neighborhood, white bitch.” What exactly do you do then? Continue to talk smack and get punched in the face? Walk away sheepishly? Try to save face and roll your eyes and walk away (which is what I did)? What is the solution here?
I’m going on two years living in bed stuy and things have not gotten better.

By: LW

LW — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 21:19:42 +0000

I come home and tell my husband “That’s it I’m wearing a big black mustash from now on.”
I live in Bed-sty:
I’ve had guys pull up and offer rides (many times).
Lot’s of “hey sweetie/sexy/honey…”
Hope you don’t fall off that bike, I would hate to give you mouth to mouth. (And that is when i am grimmy in a helmet)
I can be dressed for winter, looking frumpy in my many layers, with only my eyes showing. It doesn’t matter.
Nothing helps. I smile, node, and scurry away. Cause, yes, F-off would be worse. They start yelling and being much more crude from cursing or ignoring them.
It’s frustrating.